so, i was totally saved tonight. jordan helped me with a project and was AMAZING and did this uber cool excel spreadsheet. i am in awe of anyone who has mad computer skills...and his are MAD computer skills. he is so good to me. *sigh*
i don't think he has chosen to calm the storm in my life. my world continues to be hectic, crazy, seemingly unfair, falling apart at the seams...and you know, sometimes it is the little things. but these things aren't little. these are big. one big thing after another is slapping me in the face. hard choices, bad news, bad life, bad bad bad. i feel like i am close to breaking. i feel like i am about to snap i am so fragile and weak right now. one more little thing will send me over the edge. I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE. NO MORE GOD. I CAN'T TAKE IT.
and then God steps in and gently holds my heart in his loving hands. he brings unexpected blessing in my way. he turns my fear filled eyes away from my misery and guides them to himself.
i defy anyone who says my God isn't real. i defy anyone who says that my God is an unfeeling God who stands up in heaven just waiting and rubbing his hands together, eager for the chance of tripping us up. my God is real! how else can i explain a calm heart when everything around me is breaking to pieces? how else can i explain a peace that he will take control and that everything will be just fine because he is leading me? how else can i explain that i have joy, even though my heart is breaking? my God doesn't just put a little band aid on my heart to hold me off till the next time my world unravels. my God promises to walk with me, to carry me thru when my feet are too feeble to carry me another step.
no, i can't handle what is going on in my life, but my God can, will, and is.
"Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah"
by William Williams
Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,
Pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak but Thou art mighty;
Hold me with Thy powerful hand.
Bread of heaven,
Feed me till I want no more.
Open now the crystal fountain
Whence the healing stream doth flow;
Let the fiery, cloudy pillar
Lead me all my journey through.
Strong Deliverer
Be Thou still my Strength and Shield.
When I tread the verge of Jordan,
Bid my anxious fears subside;
Death of death and hell's Destruction,
Land me safe on Canaan's side.
Songs of praises
I will ever give to Thee.
my cold has turnned into a sinus infection and my pink eye has gotten worse. so now i am the happy taker of three antibiotics. i need to get better. i need a nap.
well kids, i had decided that after everything horrid that has happened in the last week my life really couldn't get any worse. oh but i was wrong! i woke up this morning with my eyes all runny and such...i just got back from the doctor and i have double pink eye. my mother tried to save my sanity by saying, be glad it wasn't tripple pink eye, then we might have a problem! :)
things to continue to pray for:
1. home situation. the Lord is working on my heart and attitude and is showing himself stronger than myself in all things. even tho i don't like the decisions that have been made that effect me i am thankful to God that he has given me parents who love me and want HIS best for me.
2. car. karl got sick a while back and i haven't been able to drive him for a while. he was going to take $1040 to fix him...but i have a friend who is willing to do it for $280. what a blessing! also the Lord moved in someone's heart at my wonderful church to give me a gift of $130 to help towards fixing my car. the Lord is awesome and is blessing me so much more than i could ever immagine.
3. school. i found out last week that due to three classes i need to graduate i will have to wait until may of next year to graduate. this pushes all of my plans, hopes, dreams, wishes back yet another semester. i am having a hard time trying to stay happy in this. it will be easy to get bitter and angry towards people, places, administration, the Lord...but pray my heart will seek to see GOD'S will and not my own in this.
4. health. i am so close to the end of the semester, and again i find myself declining in heath here toward the end. the Lord took away the need for summer school, so i don't have to do that...what a blessing! with this bad cough and junk and pink eye i have missed two possible three days of classes which i can't afford right now. obviously the Lord knows what he is doing and i can't see the big picture, but i would really like to stay healthy until the end of the semester.
5. summer travels. i still only have around $1000 for my trip this summer. i need around $2500 by the 24th...i don't know what to do. i am worried, and really really really want to go on this missions trip. so pray the money comes in. i think it would be an awesome growing time for me to see what the Lord would have for me to do.
thank you all for your love and encouragement in the last few days. the Lord has shown himself mighty to lift me from my dark heart and focus on him. if you don't know what has been going on, you can email me and i can tell you all that God has been doing for me in the last couple of weeks. it has been hard, and very very discouraging. i didn't know that i could cry that much!!! but the Lord brought me to Ephesians 3: 14-21
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
he showed me my purpose in trials. he showed me where i can find my strength. he is able to take my eyes off myself and lift them to him. pray for me! pray that i find my source of joy in him.
to my bestest friend in the world. :)
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,
From whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,
that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,
to him be glory in the chuch and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-20