whatnot

my-favorite-things friday.

1. last night i took a walk. on the way back by the river i heard a cat meowing and rustling in the leaves behind me. i turned around and there was a solid black cat sitting on the path right behind me. she watched me for a while then walked over to me. she would go hunt in the woods then come running after me. i named her grizelda. griz for short. then she left. just out of the blue. it made me so happy. i had an encounter with a solid black cat on halloween weekend.

2. i took a walk last night. it was wonderful alone time. i crunched acorns, and the best part of all was that there was a very slight, fine mist. it felt so wonderful.

3. i made new friends. kimberly and david. i got to go out with them on sunday after church and it was hilarious.

4. i am going camping over thanksgiving. i haven't gone since i was little. like backpack, no running water, just me and the woods and friends.

5. the Lord gave me grace to act on my desires and i am going to greenville tech for classes in the spring.

6. the leaves are the perfect color. even tho i have no back yard to rake the leaves in piles and jump in them, i am still excited about the colors. one time i was raking the yard and my kitten would jump and play with the leaves. she loved it.

7. i love the fact that i am on hold AGAIN for a hospital. all they do at hospitals when you call is put you on hold and transer you. silly people.

8. last night gwen and i went to heidi's house. it was a blast. i made french apple pie, and she made pumkin bread, and it was amazing. right out of the oven, with lots of butter........mmmmmmmmmmm.

9. it is baking season. i love to bake. i love standing over a warm oven. i love watching my daddy eat a piece of my pie. he will close his eyes, and smile and not say anything. then when he is done, i can pretty much ask him for anything i need/want. =) a good tactic.

10. i love the fact that while i was stressing out over going to greenville tech, e mom called me and asked if she could give me advice. it was things i didn't know and things i would have missed if she wouldn't have told me. she is so kind and giving. always ready to help someone. thanks mom.

just so you know...

i register for classes at greenville tech on monday, Lord willing. i am so scared. do i know what i am getting into?????

is the goal sighted?

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither...And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great, high mountain, and showed me the holy city Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God, having the glory of God, its radiance like a most rare jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal. It had a great, high wall, with twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and on the gates the names of the twelve tribes of the sons of Israel were inscribed--on the east three gates, on the north three gates, on the south three gates, and on the west three gates. And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the twelve names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

And the one who spoke with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city and its gates and walls. The city lies foursquare; its length the same as its width. And he measured the city with his rod, 12,000 stadia. Its length and width and height are equal. He also measured its wall, 144 cubits by human measurement, which is also an angel's measurement. 18The wall was built of jasper, while the city was pure gold, clear as glass. The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with every kind of jewel. The first was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald, the fifth onyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, the twelfth amethyst. And the twelve gates were twelve pearls, each of the gates made of a single pearl, and the street of the city was pure gold, transparent as glass.

And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day--and there will be no night there. They will bring into it the glory and the honor of the nations. But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life.

i went to vespers yesterday. i am not a student, and i didn't really want to go, but i was asked and had to. when i got there i got blasted in such a way, that i knew it had to have been from God.

bear with me as i try to explain my heart here. i am not the best writer, not even good, but there is such a burden on my heart and it won't go away. i need to share it. i need to be accountable.

to explain all of it i have to go back to friday. i took the kids i was baby-sitting to a skateboard/rollerblading park. it is full of interesting kids who are fabulous at skating. i was getting really depressed cause the music was so loud and depressing and hard rock. then i heard these kids behind me saying awful things and using foul language. i couldn't believe it. my first thought was "how can their mothers expose them tho these things? " and then "i am so glad i am not like that." then saturday i went to a party and was telling my friend about the experience and he rebuked me. i am not sure if he meant to, but what he said hit me harder than anything has hit me in a long time. he started talking about what a wonderful opportunity it was for me to go to a place like that and share Christ with these kids. and how if i had shown my revulsion on my face then it would turn those kids off from what i had to tell them. and also how it is a huge mission field. i couldn't believe it. that started my thinking going.

then sunday. it got worse. pastor brooks preached from 2 timothy 4:10 and spent a lot of time talking about demas. "for demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica..." he started talking about a man who had spent eight years working close to one of the greatest men of the faith only to go to the world and forsake all previously. he said that Christians get too comfortable in their lives, their Christian friends, churches, Christian colleges and everything until it means nothing to them. they get in a rut. and then they forsake all they have learned because Christ really didn't mean anything to them. it was all about their little comfortable Christian world where nothing touched them and they didn't touch anyone. then i started thinking about my life. i grew up in a Christian home. went to Christian school from fifth grade on, went to bob jones, got a job at the wilds of the rockies one summer, and now work for a Christian lawyer. i have no unsaved friends. i do not associate with unsaved people. i am stuck in my little Christian rut. i got scared.

then sunday afternoon i went to vespers at school. it was centered on doug schadel, a faculty member at bob jones who has terminal cancer. he is focusing on getting closer to the goal...seeing Christ. and because he is dying he spends more time with people, witnesses, shows Christ to others.

i have lost sight of the goal. the goal is Christ. the goal is heaven. i think that because i am only 22 that death is years and years away. so i excuse my complacency. but in reality my time here on earth is a mere wrinkle in the span of eternity. God loves me so much that he sent his Son for me. i should love him so much that i can't keep back from sharing him with others.

when i was in vespers, the passage from revelation i posted here at the beginning was being read. i closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it would be like. in the middle of it i realized that it doesn't matter what it will be like. when i get there nothing is going to matter but my God. when i get there i won't look at the pearly gates, or the streets of gold, i will look for my savior’s face. i won't have that list in my head of all the questions i want to ask moses, david, paul and peter about. i will be too busy praising God! i won't be looking for my friends and family, i will be standing in awe before my God.

and here i am sitting in my Christian little world, not sharing this awesome truth that i have. i became so burdened. so what do i do? how do i get out of this? the friend i talked to saturday said he resigned his job with Christians in order to be in contact with unbelievers. so i started thinking of ways to get in touch with unbelievers. i am praying right now about going to greenville tech next semester to start this out. getting out of my comfort zone. i am also accepting a job with two unsaved people that work down the hall from my daddy. money is a factor in all of this. i have a school loan to pay off, but the fact that the Lord planted the seed in my heart, hit me over the head about my complacent life, as well as putting before me the opportunity to work with unsaved people as well as go to a college with unsaved people all in the same weekend....i am getting overwhelmed.

there is so much more on my heart, but i am too full right now. please pray for me. please pray that i do something about this rather than go trucking along in my neat little Christian world.

i get mr. darcy. ha ha!

Elizabeth Bennet


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absolutely amazing grace.

i have a school bill that i have been working to pay off since this summer. i have $2600 more to go before january so i can go back to school in for the spring semester. i did the math one night and realized that with just my current job, i was going to be $1000 short. i was so discouraged for a long time and didn't know what to do, but of course, the Lord came through. i have been offered three more part time jobs all at $10/hr, and one at $8/hr. that is four jobs in one week!

the Lord is so good to me and i don't deserve it.

i think i can…i think i can…

make it to the end of the day without falling asleep on my desk…

i have been in a thoughtful mood all day. i think it is the weather. i just want to go somewhere where there are no people and think. not about anything specifically, just sit. look at the sky and the clouds. listen to the sounds of the world with my eyes closed. listen to the leaves talking, and falling. no books, no people, no talking. i am having an i-need-a-nature-moment moment.

yawn-y day

i can't quit yawning. i got enough sleep last night. arrrrrrrg. it must be the perfect weather. i want to go find a hammock right next to a random corn field and go to sleep listening to the stalks rustle in the wind. on a side note, have you ever heard a rain storm approach across a corn field? amazing. dad and i heard one once, a huge storm coming towards us. and you could hear the sheet of rain moving across the field, getting louder and louder, like a big wall. it was incredible.

i should go find a pumpkin and carve it.

bake-a-thon

i love fall. it is my favorite. it is still warm enough to run around barefoot, with a sweater on, crunching on leaves.

fall gets me in this mood to bake and read and drink tea. last week i made punkin bread. the recipe is fantabulous. as soon as i i made two loaves of that. then sunday i made two french apple pies. fall just demands that you make french apple pies. well, in my family that is. so i made them and they were both gone the next day. sniff.

i also went to earth fare and daddy bought me a gallon of apple cider in a glass bottle. i was so excited! especially the glass part. but i woke up this morning and it all was gone. so sad.

ooooo! gwen, tim and i are going to artist series tonight...pictures will come after we get ready. =)

weakness.

i got 12 new books from fiction addiction monday.

n or m? by agatha christie
mysterious mr. quinn by agatha christie
towards zero by agatha christie (i have now fifty of her books...)

animal farm by george orwell

the great short works of hawthorne (including scarlet letter)

the swiss family robinson

the bfg by rohl dahl

madame bovary

a room with a view
howard's end
maurice all by e. m. forster

emily's quest by lucy maude montgomery

i also went to the library on friday, monday and tuesday and have 10 books from there...maybe i need to stop right now.

i should have brought my sleeping bag to work with my doughnuts.

this morning

i sat in my bed listening to music, eating doughnuts and drinking milk and reading a book. it reminded me of childhood. sometimes i wish i could return to childhood, but i don't think i want to relive jr. high.

little perks

1. they now know me by name at aussie burger....(is that good or bad? gwen, it was the guy that repeated our names 50x on friday)

2. there is a silk worm swinging back and forth outside my window at work...he is green and i think there is a circus going on with the bugs today...we are on the high wire attractions right now.

3. earth fare is now my favorite place in the world. i got indian chai there on friday night...absolutely the most fragrant tea i have ever smelled. it has a wonderful taste as well.

4. i am going to have that above referenced tea with a friend tomorrow. i haven't seen her or talked to her all summer.

5. i got my room cleaned and such on saturday. very wonderful.

6. the messages at church on sunday were amazing, and i was convicted so much.

7. i stayed up until 2:00 am reading a book.

8. the weather here is like ohio. it makes me so excited! it reminds me of august/september time when i could still run around barefoot in the yard, but it was just chilly enough to wear sweatshirts. we had two huge oak trees in the front yard, and two huge cedar trees, so i would rake leaves and jump in them with my dog mandy (sorry gabe and mandy and gwen and emom!).

9. i met hansen on friday and had dinner with gwen and heidi. if you need entertainment, call hansen or heidi...i haven't laughed that hard in a long time! it was so cool just to sit around heidi's table and have an absolutely wonderful time.

and 10. this isn't really last. it is and always will be the most important thing in my life, but my God is wonderful!

obsession?

heidi and i are going to aussie burger today for lunch....

i went last week on thursday and friday...

is this becoming a problem? i wonder. mom said someday she would walk into my room and look on my bed, and i would be gone and an aussie burger would be there instead. i think i am addicted. do they have an aussie anonymous?
"hi, my name is hillary and i haven't had an aussie burger for two hours!!!!"

so sad.

when i get my paycheck lots of things happen. first i deposit it. then i go to the mall. i always go to stores that i can't afford and pooh-pooh the prices and say to myself "i am so much better than these expensive clothes." that way i am not tempted to buy anything. i try on lots of things, looking at this, acting like i have my whole paycheck to blow. acting like i have a jaguar, with a 4000 sq foot house, three servants, and a great dane. then i leave the store in a cloud of distain, in my clothes from walmart/khols, and drive away in my 1995 winstar van that dies when you press the gas and turn the wheel, that we use for a pickup truck.

then i go to school, and pay my school bill. all my money is gone within the hour. but i save just enough to do my very favorite thing. aussie burger is the delight unto my stomach. =) i went there for dinner last night, i am going there for lunch today. so that is how i treat myself. an aussie burger. it is absolutely amazing.