is the goal sighted?

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither...And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great, high mountain, and showed me the holy city Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God, having the glory of God, its radiance like a most rare jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal. It had a great, high wall, with twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and on the gates the names of the twelve tribes of the sons of Israel were inscribed--on the east three gates, on the north three gates, on the south three gates, and on the west three gates. And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the twelve names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

And the one who spoke with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city and its gates and walls. The city lies foursquare; its length the same as its width. And he measured the city with his rod, 12,000 stadia. Its length and width and height are equal. He also measured its wall, 144 cubits by human measurement, which is also an angel's measurement. 18The wall was built of jasper, while the city was pure gold, clear as glass. The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with every kind of jewel. The first was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald, the fifth onyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, the twelfth amethyst. And the twelve gates were twelve pearls, each of the gates made of a single pearl, and the street of the city was pure gold, transparent as glass.

And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day--and there will be no night there. They will bring into it the glory and the honor of the nations. But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life.

i went to vespers yesterday. i am not a student, and i didn't really want to go, but i was asked and had to. when i got there i got blasted in such a way, that i knew it had to have been from God.

bear with me as i try to explain my heart here. i am not the best writer, not even good, but there is such a burden on my heart and it won't go away. i need to share it. i need to be accountable.

to explain all of it i have to go back to friday. i took the kids i was baby-sitting to a skateboard/rollerblading park. it is full of interesting kids who are fabulous at skating. i was getting really depressed cause the music was so loud and depressing and hard rock. then i heard these kids behind me saying awful things and using foul language. i couldn't believe it. my first thought was "how can their mothers expose them tho these things? " and then "i am so glad i am not like that." then saturday i went to a party and was telling my friend about the experience and he rebuked me. i am not sure if he meant to, but what he said hit me harder than anything has hit me in a long time. he started talking about what a wonderful opportunity it was for me to go to a place like that and share Christ with these kids. and how if i had shown my revulsion on my face then it would turn those kids off from what i had to tell them. and also how it is a huge mission field. i couldn't believe it. that started my thinking going.

then sunday. it got worse. pastor brooks preached from 2 timothy 4:10 and spent a lot of time talking about demas. "for demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica..." he started talking about a man who had spent eight years working close to one of the greatest men of the faith only to go to the world and forsake all previously. he said that Christians get too comfortable in their lives, their Christian friends, churches, Christian colleges and everything until it means nothing to them. they get in a rut. and then they forsake all they have learned because Christ really didn't mean anything to them. it was all about their little comfortable Christian world where nothing touched them and they didn't touch anyone. then i started thinking about my life. i grew up in a Christian home. went to Christian school from fifth grade on, went to bob jones, got a job at the wilds of the rockies one summer, and now work for a Christian lawyer. i have no unsaved friends. i do not associate with unsaved people. i am stuck in my little Christian rut. i got scared.

then sunday afternoon i went to vespers at school. it was centered on doug schadel, a faculty member at bob jones who has terminal cancer. he is focusing on getting closer to the goal...seeing Christ. and because he is dying he spends more time with people, witnesses, shows Christ to others.

i have lost sight of the goal. the goal is Christ. the goal is heaven. i think that because i am only 22 that death is years and years away. so i excuse my complacency. but in reality my time here on earth is a mere wrinkle in the span of eternity. God loves me so much that he sent his Son for me. i should love him so much that i can't keep back from sharing him with others.

when i was in vespers, the passage from revelation i posted here at the beginning was being read. i closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it would be like. in the middle of it i realized that it doesn't matter what it will be like. when i get there nothing is going to matter but my God. when i get there i won't look at the pearly gates, or the streets of gold, i will look for my savior’s face. i won't have that list in my head of all the questions i want to ask moses, david, paul and peter about. i will be too busy praising God! i won't be looking for my friends and family, i will be standing in awe before my God.

and here i am sitting in my Christian little world, not sharing this awesome truth that i have. i became so burdened. so what do i do? how do i get out of this? the friend i talked to saturday said he resigned his job with Christians in order to be in contact with unbelievers. so i started thinking of ways to get in touch with unbelievers. i am praying right now about going to greenville tech next semester to start this out. getting out of my comfort zone. i am also accepting a job with two unsaved people that work down the hall from my daddy. money is a factor in all of this. i have a school loan to pay off, but the fact that the Lord planted the seed in my heart, hit me over the head about my complacent life, as well as putting before me the opportunity to work with unsaved people as well as go to a college with unsaved people all in the same weekend....i am getting overwhelmed.

there is so much more on my heart, but i am too full right now. please pray for me. please pray that i do something about this rather than go trucking along in my neat little Christian world.