my love story.

i am still reading in hosea. it is such a rebuke. it really describes my relationship with God. when i was little i remember my mom and i going thru the books, major bible themes. we did it for sunday school. we wrote in red notebooks and would do it every sunday. when we got to israel i remember her drawing a circle with arrows...one spot was disobedience, the next was captivity, the next repentance, and restoration. mom showed me the pattern that the israelites would do over, and over again. i remember commenting that they were so stupid, and why couldn't they see that they were doing the same things repeatedly?

well, now i am no longer a child and have put off childish thoughts (??? =)) and have realized that i am an israelite. i am gomer. how many times during the day do i turn to my other gods. the god of fellowship. the god of materialism. the god of business. and so many more than i can ever count. and then we get to verses like 14:4 that say "i will heal their apostasy; i will love them freely, for my anger has turned from them." a friend told me that the term ephraim is like a term of endearment that God uses for the children of israel. so that turns the whole tone of the book around for me. it is no longer a blast 'em, shoot-'em-up, knock-their-socks-off kind of anger. it is a father reprimanding his children. like my daddy. when i do wrong he actually does "do this because i love you." God my Father loves me to the point that he will love me in spite of my idolitry. in spite of my wandering heart. in spite of myself and who i am. he loves me because he sees himself in me.

and that is love. that is my love story. my God loves me so much that no matter how much i go running away to my different gods and idols and distractions, he is always there to reprimand me, go searching for me, and lovingly bring be back to where i should be. i am so thankful God doesn't treat me like i treat others. last night drew and i were driving back from the evangelistic services at school. he was doing the guy thing and either burping or doing that beat thing that guys love to do....you know what i am talking about? ok good. i told him to stop. i was tired and very ready to be home. he said he was sorry, then he started up about ten seconds later. i told him to stop again. he said he was sorry then started back up again. i told him, that he could stop or not ride with me again. he said he was sorry. then i said, "you know drew, sorry the first time meant something. the next couple of times didn't mean anything at all cause you kept doing the same thing. if you really are sorry, then mean it and stop completely and don't do it again." ouch. i pretty much slammed myself with those words. cause how many times do i do something, then say"oh Lord, i am so sorry!" then turn around the very next day, minute, week and do the same exact sin all over again?

and yet he loved me, loves me, will love me. and that i do not deserve.