i cried.

Hey Hillary,

To give you forewarning; since we are moving July 31st into our house in Pickens, my mother-in-law has offered to help us for the end of the summer and into the fall for keeping Hayden as she only lives a few blocks away. I'm sad typing this because you take such excellent, loving care of Hayden and while I'm at work I don't have to think twice about him being ok and I know Hayden will miss you. I hope we have shown you how much we appreciate you and if we could afford you to live with us in Pickens as Hayden's nanny we would set up a "nanny wing" for you.

If possible could we call you in the future if our situation changes?

I hope the law office can give you more hours or another job opportunity is readily available. If you would like I'll keep my eyes open for you, I have the scoop on downtown.

i nanny. well i will until the end of the month. hayden is seven months old this thursday. he is absolutely precious to me. he has big bright blue eyes and almost transluscent skin. we call him "casper" affectionately. he was prematurely born so he is smaller. he is learning to flip himself over from his back to his stomach. he also has a special tallent of leeking out of his diaper onto his nanny. that was the case last week on friday.

it is amazing how much someone so little can fill such a big place in someone's heart. hayden has been a joy to watch. his gummy smile and his little chuckle always gets me laughing. i know this is the Lord's timing and that He knows what is best for me this summer and this fall, but it sure is hard. especially when i have come to love the little guy.

it kinda makes me think, is love worth it? the pain and the hurt when you take your leave of someone? but then again, i think of the ultimate love, and the ultimate pain that went along with it and i realize that my little hurt isn't much. my life is a richer place because i have known and loved little hayden.