No doubt it's horribly pedantic of me to pontificate like this. Read on only if you want to hear me ramble as if I wielded any authority.
"Nuclear" is pronounced "nuclear," not "nu-kyu-lar."
Even if you are gigantic and can stand under a basket and dunk and get paid millions of dollars by the L.A. Lakers to do so, you should not attempt to become a rap artist.
Mick Jagger is probably not considered to be very handsome.
It's unethical to go 40 in a 55 zone.
People who say they know they mean but can't put it into words don't know what they mean.
People who reminesce about the good old days have both a good imagination and a bad memory.
Fines should be issued to those who use the word "pregnant" in a non-literal sense. For example, "The poet's second volume pregnant with hidden meaning."
We've had doomsday prophets in all cultures at all times. They've always told us people are getting stupider, the world is getting worse, the arts are declining, education is going down the tubes. Ignore these people and delete their chain emails without passing them on. We're not getting dumber or wickeder; we've had plenty of dumb people and bad people in every culture.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is weird, but delightfully so. It is satisfying, like an after-dinner mint accompanied by an espresso.
Expresso is not a drink. Espresso is.
Gloria Naylor is a great author; Zora Neale Hurston was not. You are allowed to dislike her work and still like African American fiction.
Jean-Francois Lyotard may have written very insightful works on postmodernism, but his name is still most unfortunate.
Wearing white socks with black wingtips is not good, ever.
Supporting a child through Compassion International is not a bad idea. I'll bet you can't give me a single good reason you shouldn't do it...
You can very easily ruin Christian art if you insist on spoon-feeding the moral to your reader. You insure that your message is not lost on the viewer/reader/listener, but then you just might lose all your viewers/readers/listener.
Cats are better than dogs. Allow me to elaborate: cats learn litter-training very young, cats do not embarrass you through intrusive sniffing, cats do not yap, cats do not stink, cats do not drool, and cats generally don't ruin your furniture.
People who are prone to use gestures representing quotation marks should be forced to watch themselves in a mirror. They would probably stop doing it.
There has probably never been, in the history of all cyberspace, a profitable blog argument. Have fun on your blog, un-polemically.
Mullets are proof of the Fall. Probably Cain had one.
Studies have shown that lawn ornaments are rarely a wise property investment.
Eschew verbosity.
Posted by jonsligh at March 1, 2006 01:19 AMif i may add just one:
people most often would rather complain about a problem than have it solved. (testified to by the fact that "most" [ha!] people feel guilty for complaining once the unfortunate circumstance has been remedied; extreme guilt ensues if the person who heard first person complain selflessly fixed it or interfered on complainer's behalf to bring about said remedy's solution.)
Dear Jon,
In pontification #5 or #6 (depending on wether or not you count your pontification disclaimer as a pontification) you have a missing word. you are missing "what" between "know" and "they." So it should read "know what they…" as evidenced later in the pontification. This seriously devalues the authority that you may or may not wield.
And I mispelled "whether."
Posted by: dailey at March 1, 2006 08:25 AMDaily,
Could I ever regain esteem in your eyes? I long for the days of yesteryear, when you didn't think I was a grammatical klutz and we had many long walks on the beach.
hal,
i would much rather have the problems fixed. i have selflessly intervened to helpe prevent people from making the egregious error of saying "nu-kyu-lar" rather than "nuclear."
what about when people say "acrosst" instead of "across" and "ank-shent" instead of "ancient".
ugh. thank you for mentioning the nulear thing.
and don't you love it when people don't capitalize anything? ;-)
mr. sligh, sir.
in all honest attempts of trying to avoid breaking regal allegations of sagactious intelligence for the common man (pont. 18, regarding argument), may i ever-so-slightly point out that it was not a selfless act of good will toward all mankind if you correct him or her for your own benefit of not having to hear them pronounce it inaccurately.
Jon you simpleton! You mispelled my name in your feeble attempt at grovelling! It was right there for you the whole time! (posted by: DAILEY) you will never regain a steam in my eyes! I can't believe I even let you do that in the first place!!… And we never walked on the beach either. I don't know who that was… And Cain's Mullet would be a great band name. And Gwen mispelled "nuclear."
Posted by: Dailey at March 1, 2006 04:22 PMwhat's funny is that last week i was talking to an engineer friend of mine who works at a nuclear power plant. uncannily, the word "nuclear" crossed his lips in conversation, and uncannily-er, he pronounced it "nukyular."
Posted by: joy at March 1, 2006 05:07 PMHallie, I promise you that I do it entirely out of philanthropic good-will.
One question, Daily. Who's the English teacher? No, quit sputtering indignant rants. I'm the English teacher. ME. Which of us was a copyeditor? Me. ME.
Jon Sligh
Lead flute, Cain's Mullet
dang. here my own father is a nucyular submariner and i can't even spell it right.
Posted by: gwen at March 1, 2006 06:05 PMI'm not a big fan of the word heighth. Can I get any y'amens on that?
Posted by: Michael C. at March 1, 2006 08:23 PMMichael,
I'm wary of the word "heighth" because I never know how to pronounce it, uncertain of whether I should have a hard "t" sound in it. I usually substitute with the word "stature," i.e,. "Of what stature are you?"
Everything you ever wanted to know about mullets but were afraid to ask:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mullet_(haircut)
Mick is HOT.
And am I allowed to dislike the work of Zora Neale Hurston AND dislike African-American fiction?
Posted by: Julie Mullet at March 2, 2006 02:19 PMJulie, how can you say that? Surely you speak tongue in cheek, jestfully, with mirth in your heart? If you don't like Mama Day, that's a problem. Characterization? Good. Dialogue? Good. Themes? Good. (sorry-my adjective bank is defunct right now). Only problem is a deus ex machina. It's a good book. You've been in Alabama too long.
Posted by: sligh at March 2, 2006 02:25 PMOops, I was thinking "mullet" was a kind of fish, and wondering why anyone would care what kind of fish Cain had swimming around in his goldfish bowl!
I do have a slight disagreement with the pontification on dogs vs. cats. I agree with said pontification if you're talking about little yippy house dogs, but personally I always enjoyed having a big scary (but secretly friendly) outdoor dog to chase off the occasional stalker.
Posted by: iGirl at March 3, 2006 10:46 AMiGirl, you are wise. I definitely agree about the dog rule. Oh, and didn't "Dayly" and Sliggy just have one of the aforementioned unprofitable blog arguments?
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