caught in the crossfire of nerdspeak

Some of my friends are complete nerds. And they would proudly choose such a title. A recent email conversation:

P. 1: Are you the commenter called “P. Ruckman” on Adam Bailie’s blog? I always wanted to be friends with P. Ruckman.

P. 2: In the literal grammatical sense of the normal space/time continuum we traditionally think of as "reality" (yes, I know, we arbitrarily define it according to our own finite perceptions and our own intricately warped worldviews), no. But that's just the problem. You're thinking in the traditional Western either/or mindset. And look where that worldview brought us. Auschwitz, the Spanish Inquisition, the Crusades, the nuclear bomb, Fred Phelps, the Stonewall riots. Posit the existence of both/and reality. Am I P. Ruckman? Are you P. Ruckman? Am I not P. Ruckman? Shall I project a reality? You see, everything is interrelated. I am P. Ruckman, you are P. Ruckman, all is one, all is everything, all is nothing, all is P. Ruckman. You can be, you are, friends with P. Ruckman. So, since you've always wanted to be friends with me (P. Ruckman), does that mean you're buying me coffee today?

P. 1: I'm not buying you coffee today, but P. Ruckman is buying for all/both/each/you/Barbra Walters/us.

P. 2: I'm not falling for that. Are you or are you not buying?

P. 1: You are falling into that same Western mindset that you spoke so derisively of minute ago. Your question, "are you or are not buying?" almost seems to imply that there is objective truth. I'm sure that's not what you meant to imply, we both know that the law of non-contradiction is only for fundamentalists.
Your question also implies that there is a fundamental difference between me and coffee--utter foolishness! Seriously, you know that we're all part of the great mother spirit. She doesn't like it when we rip her apart with sentences like "are you buying me coffee?" Hear: I am coffee, you are coffee, your mother is coffee. We are all one, you know that, so no more silly questions.

P. 2: You take the Ryan’s Steakhouse buffet approach to philosophy. You pick and choose ideas. It makes us purists sick. Sick, you hear me? You're just using ideas to get what you want. You don't really love philosophy or believe in any of it. You're just trying to get out of buying me coffee.

P. 1: Listen—could I buy you something that's already yours? The earth is our mother and she's not stingy.

P. 2: You're right. But are the snackshop workers going to be open-minded? They are, after all, caught up in the throes of rank consumerism. They are all white middle-class Westerners firmly rooted in Judeo-Christian tradition. That's a lot of philosophical baggage they're carrying. They're going to want us to trade paper and/or steel ore for the fruit of the coffee trees.

P. 1: Yeah, well we’ll teach them about the mother spirit if they happen to notice that we're not paying