We've had this discussion about transparency and self-disclosure before, and I suppose I tend a little toward the more transparent side.
(which makes some people a little uncomfortable. maybe i should develop a rating system for my personal blogs--G for won't make anyone uncomfortable, ST for starts to reveal a little about me, but mostly only good stuff, and VT for I'm going to be extremely open, including things about me as a sinner you won't like so don't read it unless that won't bother you. anyway...)
While some of you may read the extended entry and say, "Of course, David, that's obvious," I am posting it because it's also possible some of you are just like me and need another reminder, regardless of how well or poorly it's done, that we live by grace.
(in fact, it touches on issues I have thought a lot about lately, particularly this question: Does God judge repentant believers for post-salvation sin?
Along that same vein, does He only chasten or punish in order to bring us to repentance? Does He allow the consequences of sin to be our sole punishment, or does He bring some kind of direct judgment? If the punishment for all my sins was taken by Christ, what is that saying about the threat of ongoing punishment? Am I failing to apply basic principles about grace or, on the other hand, am I ignoring valid principles of warning about sin and its repercussions?
I mean, I remember when God suddenly dawned it on me that I can't make Him love me any more than He does, nor can I make myself righteous. Seriously. That may sound a bit absurd, but I honestly thought that in the work of sanctification, mine was the lion's share. I also thought God was waiting to club me for my sin; however, I don't want to lose a valid fear and respect of Him and recognition of the gravity of sin in favor of a mamby-pamby lightness in the face of evil. I don't want to repeat some of those same mistakes in regard to this specifically.
Some of the answers seem clear, while others allude me. And I'm not sure where some of the answers will lead logically, and how that applies to the preaching and teaching I get normally. So basically, I'm saying I'm confused about something theologically (not a position I like to be in) and am in the midst of working through it. In light of that, on to the extended entry of some current musings that I wrote the other day.)
I have been impressed again by both my need and failure to properly understand grace and my relation to God. A long struggle late in my teen years brought me to the proper biblical understanding that I needed grace for sanctification just as much as I did for salvation (Gal. 3:3), yet I continue to struggle with strongholds of a works mentality.
Most recently, this applied to my view of sin after salvation. I have been more and more impressed by God’s Word that I am free from God’s condemnation, for my sins before and after my conversion. I am accepted in Jesus Christ. I have grace and forgiveness in Him. My peace, even after I have failed the God of Heaven, comes from the grace found in Jesus Christ.
I do not have to wonder if God will forgive me, or if I have irreparably destroyed my relationship with Him, or if anything I have rebelliously done is evil enough to separate me from His love. Sin is not a trivial thing, nor is God complacent about evil, but neither is God’s forgiveness to be bought with my effort.
For so long I have attempted as a Christian to merit my forgiveness. I have refused to see myself as forgiven until something bad happened after my sin that I could view as God’s punishment, or at least until sufficient time had past for me to feel like I could finally be restored.
A proper sense of remorse and hatred of sin is eclipsed by feelings of guilt, shame, and hopelessness that I not only entertain but also feed on, even in the face of the repeated promises of righteousness in Christ. While I would clearly decry works in relation to salvation, somehow I fail to apply those same truths to my post-regeneration sins.
I have not had a properly high estimation of the wonderful sufficiency of Christ’s sacrifice.
While these thoughts may strike some as juvenile, they have recently come home to my heart as liberating. I think they probably are juvenile. It is basic Christianity to know what God’s grace is. It is the Gospel applied to the ongoing Christian life. But I am thankful for God’s prompting to teach me to grow in grace and in the knowledge of our wonderful, forgiving, liberating Savior.
In understanding those basic principles lies the truth of God's perfect peace.
I'm thankful that you came to such an understanding about 20 years sooner than I did.
"Jesus, I am resting, resting in the joy of what thou art. I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart."
Posted by: syoung at January 16, 2004 03:15 PMthanks for your comments, david. i know how you feel because i'm also the type that tends to think that i should be punished for whatever i've done that is wrong. sometimes that seems like it would just be easier and then i could have it over with. (sort of like a spanking, i suppose.)
i'm sure that it has also occurred to me just in the past 5-6 years that it is only Christ who can be the object of my salvation and that there's nothing i can do that will make God love me more or less. like you, when this idea "clicked," i thought, "where have i been? shouldn't i have known this all along if i've been a christian?" and there still is so much more to learn and know...
i'm glad that you included that verse from the end of 2. peter. interestingly enough, a friend of mine and i were just talking about that very same verse last night. i think all these "lightbulbs" that go on in our heads really have to do with our "growing in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." sometimes i feel so dumb or so extremely unspiritual because the different things i'm learning now didn't dawn on me when i was 5 or 9 or 13 or 20 or even 25. but that the Lord has still kept me by Him the whole time and has continued to teach me can only be an act of grace.
i'll be the first one to admit that i'm one of those who can feed on guilt, so i'll say the following as primarily what i should be doing:
just accept the forgiveness with thankfulness and move on. i don't think that means to take sin lightly or to have no respect or godly fear, however. i should use the situation as a learning experience: don't take part in this sin again!
i recently had a conversation with a dear christian friend about something that had really hurt me. although this person was not totally to blame, she had been in a position where she could have made the situation better than it was. however, she had neglected to do that.
this woman is one of my best friends, and once she realized that one simple action on her part could have saved me some grief (part of the reason she hadn't done anything was due to selfishness), she apologized. i told her i forgave her. maybe i was hurt, but i really did mean my forgiveness. in fact, i wanted to forgive her! she's my friend, and i was glad things were out in the open between us and that she was sorry. i knew she meant her apology too, so basically for me, it was over and we could go on being the best of friends with nothing hindering our relationsip.
however, as we continued to spend time together, she kept on apologizing. i finally had to tell her that i didn't want her to say that anymore because i had forgiven her and there were no barriers between us. (i was starting to feel a little annoyed!) did she not believe me?
that's just a very human example, but sometimes i wonder if that's how God feels when we put the guilt on ourselves and keep asking for forgiveness for something we already asked forgiveness for (i mean post-regeneration sins here: I John 1:9.) isn't it sort of like not taking Him at His word when we do that?
i think that we all probably need more of His grace to be able to believe Him more in this area. at least i know i do!
Nehemiah 9:16-20
16
"But they, our fathers, acted arrogantly;
They became stubborn and would not listen to Your commandments.
17
"They refused to listen,
And did not remember Your wondrous deeds which You had performed among them;
So they became stubborn and appointed a leader to return to their slavery in Egypt.
But You are a God of forgiveness,
Gracious and compassionate,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness;
And You did not forsake them.
18
"Even when they made for themselves
A calf of molten metal
And said, 'This is your God
Who brought you up from Egypt,'
And committed great blasphemies,
19
You, in Your great compassion,
Did not forsake them in the wilderness;
The pillar of cloud did not leave them by day,
To guide them on their way,
Nor the pillar of fire by night, to light for them the way in which they were to go.
20
"You gave Your good Spirit to instruct them,
Your manna You did not withhold from their mouth,
And You gave them water for their thirst."