Have you ever been trying so hard to live that all you can do is fail at it miserably?
That's the summary of the past ...umm... 5 or so months of my life.
I got this crazy idea, that I could figure life out. That all I needed to do was know what people (and God) really wanted. Once I knew that, I could do those things and all would be happy.
At first it seemed to be working. I could ask simple questions, get direct answers, and then act on them. But then, I found situations where I couldn't figure out the problem. Didn't know what questions to ask, didn't understand why what I was doing wasn't making the person (or Person) happy.
People pleasing has some serious short comings. For starters, if you do it long enough (successfully or otherwise) you become schizophrenic and begin thinking you see situations for "service" that aren't there or you become frustraited with the person you are trying to please because you just can't seem to get it right.
The schizophrenia only grows with every failed attempts. Successful attempts only lead to harder trying.
So that was the sin that caused 5 months of pain for more than just me. From all of this I've learned that you can't "try" at life, you just have to live it. Isn't that what "carpe diem corum Deo" is all about? Isn't that why Solomon wrote Ecclesiasties? Isn't that why Christ died? To redeem us from our sin, so that we would be new creatures. He not only made it possible for us to have eternal life, but His sacrifice also gives us the ability to live our lives like the Second Adam. His work of sanctification is a work of restoring the image of God that was intended to be in all mankind. It won't ever be flawless on this earth, but it does grow by God's grace through the work of the Spirit.
Forgive me for not Living.
Forgive me for not blogging.
Forgive me for not Loving.
Christ has redeemed me.
I am reconciled to Him by His blood.
What more can I give Him than my Life.
All of it.
In it's fullest.
With no inhibitions.
Naked and unashamed.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Posted by TheIdeaMan at May 25, 2004 07:26 PM | TrackBackThank you for your honesty Ben.
I appreciate this testimony very much.
The Lord has already used it in
my life to point me in a better
direction than I was going.
grace and peace
Posted by: james micah at May 26, 2004 03:00 PMWhat a rebuke and encouragement. Transparency is refreshing; often in our circles we want to think everyone else is ok, because if they're not, we might have to come face-to-face with our own sin. Seeking fulfillment in Christ is where we find true satisfaction-something I must remind myself of all the time.
Thank you for sharing this. I will pray for you.
Posted by: heidi at May 26, 2004 04:34 PMas a card-carrying man-pleaser, i am rebuked. and reminded. and refreshed. "life to its fullest" manages to escape me far too often, perhaps because i fail (refuse)to forget my lesser pursuits and focus on what should be the core of all my pursuits.
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