My previous entry

I am sorry I shocked most you. Family, friends, I am fine. There is a balance in my head and at the moment that I wrote my previous entry it was tipped the other way. I am happy in life. I am not going to do anything drastic.

I love God. Everything I do is an outpouring of that. It is because I love God so much that I want to leave this life. But it is also because of God that I am content with where I am. Or am working on being content. I am a work in progress with ups and downs and that was a look into one of my down moments. I am sorry.

I love God. If you cannot see that, if you don't understand that then there is an aspect of my previous entry that you just won't get. There is sacrifice in love no matter who you love. There are times when you need to spend time away from that person that you love and the entire time you are thinking about that person and wishing to be with that person. That is the same thing here. I love God, but for right now, I need to be away from Him. But the entire time I am away from Him, I am thinking about Him and waiting for that day when I can see Him. That is the sacrifice. Because I know right now that I cannot see Him and there is nothing I can do to change that. My life is not my own to make this decision. It is God's. And you may not understand that. It would take several long conversations for me to explain, and even then you may not understand. Or my words may fail me, which is entirely possible.

But I love God and I love life and I love you all. I'm sorry I worried any of you.