My life verse

I have a life verse. Took me a while to find it, but I've had this one since high school and it hasn't changed since then. I want to share what it is and why I keep it as my life verse.

First, some disclaimers. I am a selfish coward and a disappointing fool. Anything else you may see in me is the work of my Lord and Savior. Anything good in me is a product of His ever present grace and mercy. So the reason for my life verse is because I am selfish and a coward.

My life verse is Philippians 1:21, "For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

This simple, short verse explains completely my view of life, where everything I do comes from. It is the way I see the world. And yet it is routed in the context of the chapter. I am not lifting meaning from this verse alone, but the situation from which it is written. But this verse is my life.

Thus why I need an explanation of this verse. I don't know if it is healthy for me or not, but I think about death constantly. I dream of finally ending this life in this wretched jar of clay with the constant struggle of fighting against this weak flesh in this seductive, fleeting, material world and finally being given a perfect immortal body. I dream of the end of my disappointing life and being made perfect with no more struggles and no more pain. I dream of ending this failure of a life and starting a life of freedom with an eternity of glorifying God in endless rhapsodies. I plead with God to allow me to come home and finally be able to see Him face to face and run into His arms never to leave them again. With every fiber of life in this selfish cowardly being, I want to die and end this life.

But God...

I am not worth it, but God is. I will not take my own life, have no worries of that, I am too cowardly to do so. God is in control of my life. He has bought and paid for it, so it is His to do with as He pleases. I may want to die with every fiber of my being, but God does not. That is why I am still here. I know that I will learn to love Him more, to worship Him better, to live more fully in His love by staying here. I know that through this body, this jar of clay God makes his people, His creation smile and for that I rejoice. So I say with Paul, "I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus."

For those who know me, the real me, not the mask I always wear, but the real me, you know I love fiercely. And those that I love I will give of my life for, because remember, I, this selfish coward, am not worth the air I breathe. But you are. You, the people I love, are worth it. You are a fingerprint of God, a reflection, even if just a shadow, of God. You all are used by God so I and others can see God here on earth. And for you I will give of myself.

So while I wish with every fiber of my being to end my being, I know that I am still here for God's purpose and for those He has created. I cannot promise I will do this perfectly, in fact I may disappoint more than I please. But I am just a cracked jar of clay.

For to me to live this life and be in this body is, like Christ, the ultimate sacrifice, and to die and finally go to heaven is merely selfish gain.

That is my translation of this verse. And that is my view of my life and my place in this world.

Any questions?

Posted by Fae at November 8, 2009 02:03 PM